LDS (MORMONS)
HUMOROUS DEFINITIONS

Apparently the LDS church constantly redefines certain words. Most Mormons do not recognize this fact, but it is true. One Mormon who realized the situation is Orson Scott Card, the award-winning science fiction writer. In 1981, he published a book called Saintspeak: The Mormon Dictionary. This book contains humorous definitions of many LDS terms that often hit closer to home than many Mormons would like.

Here are some examples:

History-A collection of faith-promoting stories about dead people, whether the events actually happened or not.

Knowledge - The ultimate level of certainty, much stronger than faith. It means you have faith in something so long that you can't remember ever thinking about it and you certainly don't intend to start now.

Non-Mormons: People that you're supposed to convert to the gospel, but in the meantime don't let their children go out with yours.

Spirit of Contention: What it is when you disagree with a church leader.

Spirit of Love: What it is when a church leader disagrees with you.

Translated correctly: What the Bible wasn't whenever it refutes my argument.

The above is based on information from The Evangel, a paper dedicated to exposing Mormonism. Published monthly, 12 pages, John L. Smith, Baptist preacher, publisher and editor. If you are interested in this field of study, this paper would be of value. No subscription price, but a contribution to cover cost is vital. - Utah Mission, P.O. Box 348, Marlow, OK 73055. - cah