A NEW LETTER FROM PAUL

Liberal Bible scholars are all excited about the revelation that a new find of scripture has been made. From the depths of the mud-flats of Pasadena comes this latest treasure of humanistic reasoning and unbiblical theology. Here, for what I hope to be the last time, is included for your study and meditation the complete text of...

THIRD TIMOTHY

Paul, an apostle of Jesus Christ, to Timothy, Youth Minister of the church in Ephesus. I besought thee to abide still at Ephesus, when I went to the Macedonian workshop, that thou mightest share thy dynamic motivational personality with the keen teens.

Meditate upon new schemes to keep them stirred up and on fire, give thyself wholly to them, lest the aged men and women teach them to be sober-minded. But watch out for them in all things. Do the work of a recreation director, plan a social calendar, entertain at hootenannies, chauffeur to amusement parks, referee ball games, make full proof of thy ministry. For bodily exercise produceth firm believers. These things write I unto thee, hoping to come unto thee shortly; but if I tarry long, that thou mayest know how thou oughtest to behave thyself in the field-house of God, which is the gymnasium of the church, the backboard and track of progress. Let no man despise thy youth rallies; but be thou an example of the latest fad, in hugs, applause, alter calls and in the neo-charisma of this spiritual age.

Do thy diligence to schedule Hymeneus and Philetus for next year. Study to show thyself an intellectual. Progress beyond the things thou has learned and have been assured of, knowing the rigid traditionalists from whom thou hast learned them. I charge thee therefore before God and the Lord Jesus Christ, preach self-image psychology. Relate, placate, and motivate with all counseling. Hold back the faithful word, which you were taught, that you may be able by new doctrines both to find and fill felt needs. For there are many dynamic speakers and misunderstood thinkers, whose mouth must be given wider hearing.

Lay hands suddenly on anyone who seems visibly successful; keep thyself popular. O Timothy, keep that which unknowing parents have committed to thy trust, avoid doctrinal issues and oppositions of knuckleheads, so called.

- Author Unknown

(Borrowed from Stand, Grenada, MS)