Guaranteed Results from a Church Growth Specialist

In a recent ad in the "Christian Chronicle" this preacher asks: "Need Increased Contributions? Losing Members? Want to Experience Growth? Schedule – ‘Three Unusual Days’ (7 Hour Weekend Meeting)."

Quite appealing, isn't it? I have seen this offer from three or four preachers during the last several years. Apparently this system is rather widely used. A church can hire this specialist to come in and do his number and he claims that these results will follow: (1) "Increase Christian Maturity." (2) "Involvement." (3) "Additions" (4) "Contributions Increase an Average of 30%" and (5) "Learn How To Make Disciples." That is a sweeping claim for results of a "7 Hour weekend Meeting." Note that apparently only this specialist can pull this off. The local "Pulpit Minister" can't do it. Sorta like doctors, I reckon, you need a "specialist." In only "7 hours" he can pump "Christian Maturity" into everyone; get them into "Involvement;" secure "Additions;" everyone will "Learn How to make Disciples;" and "Contributions Increase An Average of 30%." How can the Eldership (Board of Directors) of any "local church" institution hesitate to jump at a sure fire deal like that? This is a little less than miraculous! In some places accomplishing such results would indeed be a miracle!

I got to wondering just what would happen if some sharp Board of Elders brought this guy in once a month for twelve straight months! Let's consider just one of the promised results -- an "average 30% increase in contribution," and see what could happen. If he can guarantee such results the first shot at it, why couldn't he do even better on a second time around? And then on a third try, a fourth, and so on? Just apply your math skills to a 12-month project like that and you will begin to see what wonders can be wrought by a "Church Growth Specialist."

I am not able to figure it out (and I wish one of you computer whizzes would do it for me), but it staggers my little mind trying to contemplate the possibilities. How many times would this "specialist" have to put the members through this "Three Unusual Days" wringer until he would have all the members giving 5 -10 times more than they even earn? How long would it take till each one, like the poor widow, would be giving "all of his living?" I must acknowledge one thing, this "Three Unusual Days" operation must be some performance! -- W.W. Wow